With Only Myself I Compare

"Winners compare their achievements with their goals,  while losers compare their achievements with those of other people."...Nido Quebein 

I think that becoming a happier person is not so much about changing our external circumstances as it is about changing our thinking.  We can pile up tons of external positive stuff in our life but if our internals are messed up, then our life won't become that much better or happier.

Is it possible to make ourselves feel miserable when our thoughts are not in the right place?  Absolutely.  And one negative thought habit we should all reduce (or ditch altogether) is comparing everything we do to the lives and accomplishments of other people.

Take for example buying a new car.  You've earned a pay raise and have saved up for a few months, then shopped around until you found a car you are very satisfied with and that feels awesome for a while.  Then you are invited to your friend's home and you see she has also just bought a new car, one more expensive and luxurious than your own.  How would that make you feel?  Suddenly everyone around you seems to be driving a better car than you and you stop feeling good and proud of your own purchase.  This same example can be applied to so many other areas of our life:  our home, our income, our occupation, our investments, our bank balances, our debt, our vacation, what we wear, the list could go on forever.

If you took the strengths of others and compared them to your weaknesses, how do you think you'd measure up?  Sadly we do this all too often, and it sure doesn't make us feel good.  Even if we compare strength to strength, there will always be those with more and those with less.  Where you are in the ladder of accomplishments or purchases has nothing to do with what you want to do.  Even if you do well in comparison with others, you may be artificially inflated from this comparison.  It's a short lived boost of ego if you win the comparison, easily knocked down.  You may eventually end up resenting others for their accomplishments, without really knowing the true person.

I think a great New Year's Resolution (if it's not too late for those) we could all profit from is to stop trying to be someone we're not.  One of the greatest challenges in life is to just be yourself in a world that's trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, smarter, or younger but they will never be you.  Don't change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the "real" you.

So how can we break the very negative habit of comparing ourselves with others? A more useful way of thinking is to compare yourself to yourself.  Appreciate the progress you have made.  Take a closer look at the areas you aren't improving as much as you'd like and try to figure out why.  Then make a plan for how you can improve on those areas of your life.

Once you become more aware of this habit, you can try to stop and change the thought.  If comparative thoughts come into your mind, give yourself a pause.  Don't berate yourself or feel bad, just acknowledge the thought and gently change focus.  When we compare ourselves with someone we think is doing better than we do, sometimes we get discouraged.  Is it possible to become inspired instead?  Can you think of a time when you made the choice to be inspired?  At the opposite, when we compare ourselves with someone we think is doing worse that we do, do you sometimes feel encouraged by that?  Is it possible to think of charity instead?  The main value of looking at your friend's plate is to ensure she has enough to eat.  If she does, wish her well and go on focusing on your own goals and life.  If she doesn't, then share your food with her and it will enrich both of you.  Can you think of a time when you shared your good fortune with a friend?

It is key to know your own strengths and focus on your own journey.  Feel grateful for what you have and feel blessed to have the journey.  Life is not a competition and you will be miserable if you believe it is or desire for it to become one.  Enjoy your friend's successes and let the light that shines on them reflect on you.  Let they inspire you to do great things in your own unique way.

"Be miserable.  Or motivate yourself.  Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."...Wayne Dyer.

Have a terrific week everyone and
Be well,

Linda