"Please don't give up, Des. Because all we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us. And you have her."...Penny Widmore, in a letter to Desmond Hume, Lost).
Though Lost was a fictional tv show, and the best one ever made in my opinion, I don't think more truer words could ever be spoken.
When my son was diagnosed with autism, it seemed that quotes of high divorce rates in "autism families" were all around us. I felt at times like we were given a double whammy, "your son has autism, and by the way, your marriage is doomed too!". I never understood the reasons behind the statistics, other than a higher level of stress in the household. But, what does that have to do with the love that two people share? I always grew up with the idea that "love conquers all".
Last year, studies came out debunking the claims that autism families have high divorce rates. Some statistics frequently quoted were as high as 80%, can you believe it? Now studies show virtually no difference in divorce rates when compared with families without children with autism. The level of stress is still high relative to non autism families, but it appears to not lead to marital breakdown as was often being reported.
All families have stress and it's impossible to avoid it. But how we choose to "respond" to stress can make the most difference in maintaining a supportive and happy marital relationship. I don't think unhappiness should ever be blamed on a change in circumstance, whatever it may be, including finding out that one of your kids has autism. "We have the power to change most things that are bringing us down, and the few that we cannot, then we can change the way we think about them."...author unknown.
But I do tend agree with Penny Widmore, when you have a marriage that's between two people who truly love each other, it's all you need to survive! Yes, I may be a bit of a romantic! Here is my very favourite scene from lost, season 4 "The Constant", when Desmond and Penny were finally able to connect by telephone"....pass the tissue!
I love Desmond's words to Sayid at the end when asked "Are you okay now?" Des replies "aye..I'm perfect." Love that whole scene, just beautiful!
Have a wonderful day!
Linda
5 comments:
Desmond and Penny were the best couple on Lost IMO.
My fav video too,
I'm a jater (jack + kate)!
I agree marriage stress should not be attributed to other stress like having an autistic child..that sounds more like making an excuse than a real reason. Thank you for sharing that the statistics are wrong!
I liked Suliet (sawyer + juliet) :)
I'm a jater (jack + kate).
I think life goes through cycles of happier and more stressful times. Once the hard times roll in, a family can be affected by it and managing stress will take skill and patience.
Thank you all for your comments!
I agree that stress of all kinds enter our lives, all throughout life and can individually affect both a husband and wife. I don't think it should ever reach a point where it affects their relationship or marriage, and if it does (which may happen, not uncommonly), I would re-visit the coping strategies being used to deal with the stress. This is where I think having a loving and supportive marriage gives that "combined" strength to get through the challenging times.
I totally agree with being patient and slowing down a little to reduce stress, but when you have let's say a chronic stressful situation, where we're not "waiting for an event" to happen to make the stress go away, in these cases I think we need a variety of coping strategies, and I've found changing the way I feel about certain things has made all the difference.
Cheers!
Linda
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