"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy."...Leo Buscaglia
We all have experienced worry. Worrying, until recently was a special trait of mine. I'd worry about everything from the unopened bills sitting in my mailbox to what will happen to my son when I'm gone. I'd worry about being late, test results, unreturned phone calls, performance appraisals, the list goes on and on.
Managing our emotions is an ongoing process. When we're worried and wracked with anxiety, those feelings occupy us at the expense of too many other things. I've been there. I, like you, have known a great many troubles but most of them never happened as they were simply my imagination at work. When we worry, we are essentially directing all our thoughts towards a "possibility" that we dislike. Worrying is something that can lead to stress, and we know that stress can make us sick. Excessive worrying is needless, crippling, can paralyse us with fear, and is really destructive to happiness. It may also seriously interfere with our day-to-day functioning, which of course could lead to many other problems in our lives.
I decided a couple of years ago that I had enough of it and seeked out practical solutions. Now, while I still experience some degree of worry, it has significantly dropped both in number and duration. I deal with it much better. Now I believe most worry could be avoided by learning good thinking habits, by refusing to over-estimate the significance of possible failures, by taking a larger perspective and by facing fears squarely.
Here is one quote that I remember helping me understand the uselessness of worry:
"If the problem can be solved, then why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, worrying will do you no good".
From this quote, I gained that initial worry can have a purpose; it can alert us to possible situations that might happen so that we can adequately prepare for them (such as writing a will), or to do something positive (like seeing the doctor if you discover a mole). The problem occurs when it's a situation you can't do anything about, when it's trivial, or when you already have an adequate solution, but continue to dwell on it. This is when worry can impact how we live our lives and how we relate to other people.
There are some ways to teach yourself to beat worry and live a more relaxed and happy life:
1/ Train your mind - you control your mind, thoughts. Replace your "worried thoughts" with powerful and calming words, words that inspire hope and optimism, to help remind you that worry is counter productive, usually groundless, and one of the most destructive habits we have. Use breathing techniques or daily meditation may be something you'd like to try.
2/ Don't only worry alone. Use logic, talk it out with somebody and debate the worry away. Get the facts.
3/ Don't plan out imagined negative situations in your head!!
4/ Stop procrastinating and take action. You'll feel more in control of the situation.
5/ Pay attention to how your body is feeling. This will help clear out the lingering worry you may be unaware that you're still carrying around.
6/ Accept that worry comes - but face the fear and then let it go.
Don't worry - you'll make steady progress on your worrying behaviour! If you can get on top of worry, and you can because you control your thoughts, you can get on top of anything!
My video for today is of course the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy"
(I bet that was obvious, right?)
Hope you all have a worry-free and happy week!
Cheers!
Linda
20 comments:
This was very well written. Worrying is destructive and yet I, we keep doing it. It's no wonder we have poor sleep, headaches etc.etc.
Deb
I think people worry because they just do not have any other way to cope with their problems. Being worried and stressed is the side effect.
This was well written and interesting. I'm glad that one day you just decided "enough is enough" and did something about all your worry...I have a child with autism too, so I can understand some of your worries.
Kelly
When we are afraid, it is the fear that holds us back from finding effective solutions. All that's left is worry.
I think worrying is taking "concern" a few steps further, to the point when you can become overly preoccupied and sick. Plus, as stated in the blog, it's worry about things that "might" happen, not necessarily a problem in front of you. You have to try and find the reasons for the worry and face it for what it is.
This was an interesting post!
K
I'll admit it, I'm still what you would call a "worrywart". I tend to worry mostly about others, my kids. Very interesting post.
Margaret
Everybody worries about stuff, that's the reality. There's a line between some worry and excessive worry and when you regularly cross it, then you definitely do have to put an end to it somehow. It's unhealthy.
I think I may try out meditation.
Vicki
Everyone worries to some degree as you say we should just be careful not to let the worry "take over". i too think it can become a habit.
I like the steps in your blog to help overcome excessive worrying. They are worth trying out especially listening to what our body may be trying to tell us.
Nazifa
you may not agree with this but I think some people worry too much to gain attention from others.
JMOA
It's so true that we worry about things that may never happen. We bring it on ourselves by creating negative scenarios.
I'll have to remember to return to this blog from time to time as I often have periods of excessive worry that I've always known to be a problem. I need to try out new things.
LisaB
Hi Deb,
Are you currently experiencing poor sleep? Here is something that helped me, if you'd like to try out something new...
Place a pad of paper and a pen beside your bed at night. Before going to sleep say to yourself "I expect I will have a peaceful night's sleep tonight, but if not, I will write out what's troubling me and deal with it in the morning".
It may be of help to you.
Linda
Oh that sounds good.
We're probably very honest with ourselves in the middle of the night!
K
That's an interesting comment about people who worry being "attention seekers". I never thought about that before, that perhaps some are gaining something they believe is positive from all the worrying, and that could be attention.
Thank you all for commenting..
Linda
I think we just want to torture ourselves. Isn't it true we do that with so many emotions, worry, guilt, etc., self-inflicted pain and sufferring.
Janet R
Oh I would agree with that..as was said, sometimes you just finally come to a realization of what you're doing to yourself and take steps to stop it.
K
Thank you Linda!
I will keep that in mind. Right now I'm sleeping quite well for a change. But a few months ago it was terrible when I returned to work. I spent a lot of time both worrying of my work and my kids.
Deb
This blog was awesome. any help i can get with getting rid of worried thoughts is most appreciated.
S
everyone worries, it's a reality of life. When we think off to the future what else is there to think of except worry? especially when we have problems in our life, we're often filled with worry. It is normal to feel like I do.
Hello anonymous,
I would encourage you to read or re-read this post again, but to briefly answer your question about "what else is there to think of when we look off to the future, when we have problems?", I would try thinking of these - hope and optimism.
Linda
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