"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."...Lewis B. Smedes
The decision to forgive yourself or somebody else is a vote to live in the present moment.
"I'll never forgive my friend for that!" "I can't forgive myself!" Are these familiar expressions? If we refuse to forgive somebody, then we are really saying, "Instead of taking some action to improve matters, I prefer to live in the past, and blame somebody for it. (or blame myself)." When we won't forgive ourselves, we are actually choosing to stay on a guilt trip so we can put ourselves through some extra mental anguish.
When we withhold forgiveness of others, WE suffer. Half of the time, the "guilty" person does not even know what's going on in our head! The "guilty" party continues to happily breeze through life while we put ourselves through so much mental anguish. It is no wonder that we are advised to "forgive those who trespass against us!" It is the only way we can remain happy and healthy. You may be thinking that there are those who do not deserve your forgiveness. I think unforgiveness is one of the greatest causes of sickness because a sour mind creates a sour body. Inability to forgive is associated with persistent rumination. So, you don't have to forgive others for their sakes, you forgive for your own sake.
When we forgive others, we take away their power to hurt us. The mistake we make so often is to hold on to hurt. We go around bitter and angry, but all we're doing is allowing those who hurt us to control our lives. It's bad enough to have been hurt once; don't let that continue to hurt you by staying angry. Someone may have lied to you, betrayed you, or mistreated you, but what they did was not enough to keep you from the awesome future that's in store for you. "Forgiveness is not about being nice and kind; it's about letting go so you can reclaim the amazing future that awaits you."
Although I agree it may be very hard at times, but I believe we all have the ability to forgive. It is a process, it doesn't just happen overnight. But if you continue to have the desire to forgive, and even ask for help with forgiveness, then little by little those negative feelings will fade. One day they won't affect you at all.
When we choose to forgive, I've read that a marvellous principle comes into operation. As we change, others change. As we alter our attitude toward others, they begin to alter their behaviour. Somehow, the moment we choose to change the way we see things, others respond to our changed expectations. Imagine what a happier place the world would be if we could be more forgiving!
I believe that it is always our choice whether we get on with our life and live in the now, or whether we chain ourselves to grudges and upsets of the past. I'm not saying it's always easy, but it is our choice. And it will make us happier if we do.
Here is one video I watch when I just want to "cleanse" my spirit and let go. There are many available on youtube, but I particularly love this one.
Have a wonderful day and weekend!
Be happy. Be well.
Linda
11 comments:
Great job, Linda. And I couldn't agree with you more. We're always advised to forgive. And when you do, it feels great, like a weight has been lifted from your body.
Margaret
Oh my, I really needed to read this today. I have not been looking forward to seeing someone this weekend...long story. I am going to watch that video and really really try to let go before Sunday. Thank you!
K
K,
At least you have until Sunday! I have someone soon to arrive in the office any moment now!!
Good luck to us both..
Vicki
I really believe in forgiveness and letting go, and I'm glad you do too.
Deb
i like how you write that we forgive for own own sake. that's true. there are many people out there in our lives, in the news, they don't deserve forgiveness from us, imo, but we do it anyway for our own good. those others will have to answer to a higher power.
There are some people I'm not going to consider forgiving ever. That's just the way it is. I'm not going to try. I think there are certain things you just can't forgive.
To forgive or not to forgive is a choice. I agree that it's a good choice to forgive and let go, but you have to really want to do it.
The images and music in that video create especially peaceful effects.
Terez
Hi Linda - I love this post. I want to forgive and let go. You make it sound too easy. For some, it's really difficult.
How can it be made easier?
Cathy
Hi Cathy,
Thank you for your comments. I may continue the discussion in a part two blog, but I'll try to answer you question here as best as I can.
First, you really have to want to let go of things, if you don't, any exercises to try and change that may not work as a part of you will be fighting against it.
I have made a decision that I feel better when I'm not carrying around excess negativity and tension, so I've learned to let go and/or not let it enter in the first place.
For example, this past Halloween, I was so happy and excited to be out with my kids in the neighbourhood. My son, at one house, didn't follow the rules and reached his hand into the bowl of candy. The teenage boy handing out the candy then called him "stupid". If that had happened two years ago, the comment would have made me very upset, possibly ruining my evening. This year, I/we completely ignored him, not allowing him to steal away our joy.
So to me forgiving is not just about things from the past, but it's a deliberate way of living out each day, to not allow anyone the power to take joy from me.
I hope this helps,
Linda
Hi Linda thank you for your reply! I agree that forgiveness is made easier when you really want it, that makes sense. You know what, I'm going to try harder.
BTW, I admire your strength and forgiving attitude toward others who don't understand your son and the challenges you face daily.
Cathy
I now agree that when we change our behavior, others will change too. I really tried to let something go and move on, and I did feel better. Not completely gone but much better. When I saw the person, because I felt better, the afternoon was far more successful. We both were far more relaxed. Whatever I did, I think she picked up on and did the same.
K
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