"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."...James Oppenheim
I have been reading an awful lot about "happiness" lately, and one recurring point that authors drive home again and again is that happiness is a "current state of being", it's not something you wait for, or plan to arrive at "later on", when circumstances change. Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a response. And we can change our perspectives to be happy every day.
All we have is "now". Regardless of what happened yesterday and what might happen tomorrow, now is where we are. From this point of view, the key to happiness and contentment must be in focusing our minds on the present moment.
Focusing our minds on the present moment is a step toward choosing to be happy today. Of course this does not mean that we should never remember our past or plan for our future. My goals include thinking of the past with gratitude and contentment and looking to the future with hope and optimism. Choosing to focus on these positive emotions helps us live in the present with greater happiness.
In the present moment, what I'm learning is that God may surround us with weeds from time to time, but expects us to bloom just the same. He is more interested in changing us than he is in changing our circumstances. As long as we're sour because we're not getting our own way, because we're choosing to see too many "weeds", that attitude will keep us right where we are.
If we want to see change, the key is to bloom right where we're planted.
Wear a smile. Be good to people, even those we do not think deserve our kindness. Be grateful for what we have and where we live, even if it's currently not the way we'd like it to be. When we change our attitudes, and bloom where we're planted, we're sowing a seed for God to do something new. And we are to keep the faith that "where we are is where we're supposed to be." and "we are here for a reason". When we understand that, our mood won't go dramatically up and down depending on our circumstances.
We cannot fight our way to get to happiness, or develop a notion that sometime in the future everything will be much better than it is now, for example reach somewhere else to be happy - a bigger house, a better job, a fancy car, or meeting new friends. That sort of thinking will hold us back or postpone our pleasures and our happiness. The better approach is to say to ourselves "this is where I've been placed right now, and until I'm moved, I'll be happy where I am."
Start telling yourself, "I have the power to enjoy this job. I'll have a great day. I'll enjoy the people I see. I'll be productive. I'll bloom right here today, where I've been planted." This approach takes away our excuses and puts the responsibility to be happy on us.
When we choose to be happy today, we enjoy whatever we are doing for its own sake, and not just for the end result. Life is too short, let's not waste a single day waiting to be happy, when it's possible for all of us to be happy, right here, right now.
Cheers and be happy!
Linda
23 comments:
How I wish this could be possible! I'll try. One point I completely agree with is that waiting for things to get better will not help our situation. Being grateful should come first.
Josie
Linda - welcome back!!
Life's indeed to short. We shouldn't waste our time seeing the negative side of life. That's a very nice analogy to bloom with the weeds.
Margaret
Thank you Margaret. I missed blogging last week, but believe sometimes a break is needed to collect new thoughts. After "unforgettable", I felt the time was right to do just that.
I wish I could take the credit for the phrase "bloom where you're planted", or bloom where there are weeds - that's taken from the book I recommended to everyone "Every Day A Friday", by Joel Osteen. It's an amazing book. I'm nearly finished it - to be honest, it's the first book in a long while that I've read and gained from every single page.
Linda
I want to believe this is possible...but, how can you be happy when you've just lost your job, or you're sick etc etc.
My experience is that we focus on the negative things, everyone does that, is everyone unhappy?
Deb
Hi Deb,
From reading "Every Day A Friday", when bigger problems occur such as loss of a job, or sudden illness, it's recommended to stay the course, continue to count your blessings each day for the things that are going on in your life that are good, eg. your family, spouse, roof over your head, love, basically keep a very grateful spirit and keep the faith that whatever the problem is that it's happened for a reason and know that in doing that it will work out in the end. Never dwell on a problem, be negative or hold an ungrateful spirit.
Linda
Being grateful is a very powerful tool.
K
It's easy to be happy when you don't have problems...try being happy when you've got BIG problems!
Big problems are a matter of perception.
If you only focus on your "problems" as a reason for unhappiness, you are certain to be unhappy.
Instead, look around at what is good in your life and be grateful for those things, that will keep your spirit positive and happy. Then you will be able to focus on other things with a more positive outlook.
Linda
I think as humans we are complex beings with emotions, needs, desires, fears etc. The interaction of us and our environment is dynamic. We will be affected by the events that happen in our life. We have to acknowledge that. However, in such situations I agree that we should not become passive and wait for things to change, but at the same time we should not feel guilty about the desires that are currently unmet (wishing for a better quality of life). I think finding happiness is an ongoing active process that will fluctuate depending on our situation. Everyone will fall, how well one gets back up is the learning/life experience.
There are some, perhaps many people who still believe happiness is conditional i.e. when I find a life partner, a better job, win the lottery etc. etc...then I will be happy. But conditional happiness is always short lived, because it is never long before there is something else to change, fix or figure out first. As long as we are looking for happiness on the outside, we are always in the "process of becoming" happy, rather than just "being happy now" whatever the circumstances. Of course that does not mean we should feel resigned to situations unpleasant, we should effectively pursue the changes we so desire, but we can still be happy in the process. Why would that ever bring about guilt?
I agree we are indeed affected by the events and interactions in our environment, but we can choose to focus on the positive ones each day. Changing our way of thinking about things can prevent falls, heal wounds, and strengthen character, all important to maintaining a consistently happy life. I think that's better than believing life is full of ups and downs, happy times and unhappy times.
It is the reality of life that we will go though ups and downs. I do not know many people who have not. A person who experiences “loss”, be it the loss of a job, the loss of a home, loss of health, the loss of a relationship or a loved one will be unhappy for a while. You can look at this period as a “mourning” period. During this time, we will experiences feeling of deep sadness, denial, anger etc. and will also experience moments of “average” mood. During this “mourning” period, fighting your emotions will drain a person of their limited energy. That individual needs to go along with their emotions and let it take her wherever…this “up and down” will eventually plateau to “average” mood. This is the beginning of the next phase (actively pursuing to get your life back into shape). The mourning period can vary between different individuals and based on the specific “loss” experienced.
This can become more complex if multiple losses or predicaments occur, or another issue causes grief before a person has a chance to recover and etc. However, trying to be positive is definitely a skill that can decrease the “recovery” period and will promote healthier psyche.
I guess my message is that it is ok to feel sad or anger sometimes and give yourself some time to go through these emotions when necessary.
I think as we age, we gain character through making it through so many experiences that learning to count our blessings becomes easy. I agree with you Linda. In simple terms its choosing to see the brighter side.
K
Hi Diane,
Thank you for your insightful comments,
I originally attempted a different response to your comment but have decided that issues of extreme loss, grief, crimes, disasters etc. are beyond the scope of this specific post or even my blog as a whole.
I can say that I view happiness as a "current state of being", and we can bloom (be happy), even when there are things around us that wish were better (the weeds). I feel we are blessed for our life as a "whole package", if for example 10% we feel dissatisfied, should that stop us from feeling joy about the other 90%? Many people are unhappy (and for clarity, I'm describing this today as dissatisfied, cheerless, joyless) with their life because instead of the 90% bringing about joy, the 10% somehow stands out and is focused on too much to a point that it brings about unhappiness. We can choose to be happier today, and spread that around to others if we focus more on the positive things in life. I believe this will attract more positive things into our lives and into the lives around us, those we interact with. I agree there are day to day circumstances in life that may test this sometimes, but life is too precious to wait for happiness tomorrow. I believe it's in our power to be happy each day.
Linda
I think this post is building on your earlier one about how "life follows your thoughts", according to Joel Osteen in your post "Every Day A Friday". That was a good post too and a it's a good book, I have it too. I'm starting to get it, trying.
Deb
Hi Linda - what do you think about anger - keep it in, or express it out? Just curious. Which way would bring about more happiness, do you think.
Barb
Hi Barb,
I can't say I favour either of those. I'm currently working on letting things go rather than allowing myself to be overcome with anger. I've found that I'm better able to find solutions this way.
Linda
Hi Linda,
I love your message of always trying to look at the brighter side of things and diverting attention to those aspects of our lives that are working. I totally agree with that attitude. My comment is about not fighting emotions while doing all that, at certain times (eg. When a person is feeling sad following the loss of a relationship or experiencing a miscarriage etc. not to try to change that emotion to something else, thinking that they are being negative). People need some time to get over a situation before they can apply learned skills not to become drown in sorrow. Even during the really sad times, your message of trying to think of the positive things in life may be helpful as long as people are not fighting their emotions. I’m not sure about anger, I know someone has brought it up, I think anger is a feeling that results because of the violation of an expectation and thus expectations may have to be adjusted, your message of letting go is beautiful. Human emotion/psychology is very complex and is difficult to address all situations with general comments. However, I certainly do not want to take away from the messages of exercising positive thoughts, letting go and counting your blessings etc. After all, these are the same reasons that I keep coming back to your blogs.
Hi,
I love and appreciate all the comments here.
This post "bloom right here, right now", was not specifically about dealing with loss or grief. That's beyond the scope of the post or even my blog. I would encourage all my readers that if you're currently dealing with grief, my messages may be of some help, but of course you should consult other sources if you find you need professional advice.
This post was about the average day-by-day stuff that may take away from the joy we could be experiencing each day. I've learned to change my perspectives and it's made my life happier (and my family's as a whole). I'd like to continue to share these messages, but know that just like when you read a book, they may not always directly relate or be helpful to your own specific situation.
These are some of "my" life's guiding principles that I'm sharing with you..
Cheers!
Linda
Hi Linda,
I like coming to your blog because you are an average person dealing with significant life challenges, especially having a son to raise with autism, yet you are taking the time to share positive messages to people. It's not individual therapy, but general positive message that make our lives happier. I've been happier since I started reading your blog. I have honestly read all of them, and could take a positive message from most all.
I guess I just want to say thank you.
Deb
Hi Deb. How sweet..you're welcome!
I really think I've been happier too since I started writing a pickle with a puzzle.
Linda
The message I got from this post was not to let yourself become unhappy and dragged down by some circumstances when we can be uplifted and inspired by most of what life has to offer.
I think choosing to be happier day to day is a skill that grows over time.
N
That cartoon image at the end says a lot..you never know the future, if it's possible to be happy today, be happy or at least try to be.
I like how you write that "when we keep our faith", our mood will not go up and down depending on our circumstances.
Religion can sometimes draw out feelings of guilt in some people, but it's not ever intended to.
Terez
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